Chapter 3

Eddie was in a bad mood from the moment he got out of the limo. Fred had failed to get him a woman before he had to meet his sister for lunch. He hated meeting his sister. As much as he still loved her in the same way that you have to love everyone who shot out of your dads cock they were just so different. She embarrassed him as much as he was sure he embarrassed her. All those marches and protests she went on. The media would always highlight her just because they knew that she was his sister and it amused them that one of the most powerful people this side of the Atlantic had a sister who wouldn't even buy a Starbucks coffee. He knew that her friends probably spent their time mocking her themselves for having a brother who was in charge of nearly 20% of all television shown in this country and at least ran 50% of all the ratings.

The Star House was now the biggest show in the world. It had been exported to 35 different countries but the show in Britain was the most watched still. And it all came from the idea of a man who used to own a couple of record stores. The idea was simple. Take any normal reality singing show where people get voted off every week blah blah and put them all in a house living together. It was Big Brother meets The X Factor and the real genius was that when people were voted off one aspect of the show they had to stay on the other. So shite singers would have to spend weeks sitting in a house eating beans on toast whilst their more talented rivals went out clubbing with footballers and snorting heroin with children's TV presenters. It had been a ratings smash and the Christmas day special was always the highlight of the year as it was guaranteed at least 2 shags and a few nervous breakdowns. And yet every year Eddie had to go through the whole rigmarole of Xmas with his family and fiends. Did they not know it was the most hectic day in his schedule? Some people had no feelings for anyone except themselves.

As he entered the VIP lounge of Maurie's he was shown to his normal table by the Asian waiter whose name he always forgot. He grimaced when he saw that Susie had brought company. That ridiculous boyfriend of hers who went by a nickname like Table or Clingfilm or something that was supposed to represent how capitalism was ruining the world. And some girl with dreadlocks and her face pierced everywhere except the normal places where people pierce themselves. How she got into a classy establishment like Maurie's was anyones guess. Susie rose when she saw him approach.
'Edward hi! Merry Christmas!' She kissed him on each cheek. 'You remember Lantern don't you?'
'Of course.' Eddie failed to fake a smile and shook Lanterns hand. She's brought them here on purpose to embarrass me he realised. 'And who is this?' He nodded at dreadlocks. 'Chanderlier or Lampshade?'
'My name is Katy' dreadlocks said stonefaced. Excellent. I love a girl with no sense of humour. Eddie slumped down into the chair and ordered a whiskey. If Susie thought she could embarrass him by turning up with someone called Cabinet and the creature that Goths forgot them he too could play at that game. It was time to get drunk.

40 minutes later they were in the middle of a full blown argument about TV. Well to be fair Eddie had just sat there in a bottle of single malt whilst Susie, Katy and Tablecloth proceeded to complain about the state of society due to all the 'carcrash' telly that was being shown; thanks mainly of course to Marley and Scrooge Inc (Susie always referred to Edward last when saying the business name just to piss him off). Eddie had heard all of these arguments a thousand times and knew how to combat them. He just couldn't be arsed. He let them waffle on; accusing him of ruining Britain with his multi national business and most successful television show in the history of the BBC. Eddie sighed and tried to find a pretty girl at the bar to take his mind of it all. Unfortunately the most attractive girl in the room who wasn't his own sister happened to be with a rapper who Eddie was 90% sure carried a loaded weapon and who he was about to drop from his own label. He decided to shut these hippies up and make an early exit. He addressed Lantern.

'Tell me something Snowflake or whatever your name is. Do you eat McDonald's?'
'Of course I don't' Lantern replied. I wouldn't dream of eating the flesh of another animal, especially not one from a chain of fast food bastards who keep their chickens locked up in pens the size of shoeboxes.'
'Fair enough' Eddie could feel Susie looking at him wondering what he was up to. 'Now answer me this. If McDonald's stopped trading tomorrow. I mean shut down every drive-thru, every restaurant and freed all their cows and chickens. Do you think the world will start to eat salad and vegetables from that day on?'
'Well I...' Lantern began.
'Or do you in fact think that they will just go to Burger King, Pizza Hut or Wimpy instead?'
'What are you getting at Edward?' Suzie was becoming irritated.
'I'm simply saying that if I stopped making shows like Star House or shut down S&M Inc it wouldn't make the population watch documentaries, read more books and prefer foreign films. They'd just watch some inferior reality TV and you would just have someone different to be angry at.'

There was a pause. Dreadlocks spoke first. 'Can I ask you a question please Mr Scrooge?'
Eddie leaned forward. 'Only if I can ask you one in return Drea.... er Katy.' Katy smiled shyly before composing herself. 'Why do you think people watch your show?' Eddie smiled and winked at her.
'Simple. There are three reasons why people watch shows like The Star House

1. The kids stuck in basic shitty jobs like Starbucks and your hated McDonalds. Or the ones gigging at weddings and in pub toilets. They need to have that small chance that maybe one day they will get to go on The Star House and escape the humdrum  pain of their pointless existence. It's the reason why every year we have more and more entrants than ever.
2. The people in slightly better jobs who maybe could of been really successful but didn't. Possibly due to money or falling pregnant. But more often than not simply due to laziness. They need to see people they hate so they can slag them off and feel slightly better about their own miserably lives. They hate the toothless crones, dolled up sluts and perfect boy-dolls we have on the show. And yet they can't stop watching week after week.
3.  Lastly our biggest audience. The ones who watch it simply to fit in. To have that feeling of belonging to something. Over 70% of the population watch our show. That is one big fucking club to be in. Many people like having that in common with their fellow man. It makes them feel more normal having something to talk about during their coffee break at work.

Eddie leaned forward. 'Now it's time for my question to you Katy. She leaned into him with a cheeky grin on her face.
'And what would that be Mr Chief Executive?'
'Why does a pretty little thing like you dress and look like that when coming into a classy establishment like Maurie's? Have you no shame?'

Edward Scrooge left Maurie's 20 seconds later with a big smile on his face. He hurt from the slap but he was happy. He was even more happy when Fred opened the limo door to reveal 2 brunettes inside with a bottle of champagne.
'Where to Sir?' The obedient chauffeur asked.
'Please Fred, call me Mr Scrooge. Head to the cemetery. I've got a bit of time to kill. May as well go see Marleys grave'. Eddie sighed and leaned back as he heard his zip open and one of the girls poured Cava into his mouth. Life was good at the top.